I decided to take a break from my notes and do one more entry today, this time on my experience leaving the church. Everyone assumes that the reason you leave the church is because you were either offended, or you are living a life full of sin, well that's not why I left the church.
I was born and raised LDS, we didn't go every Sunday, but we went often. We had the children's book of Mormon and the living scripture movies, and my mom always tried to have the picturesque LDS family. Things weren't perfect they never are, so I don't want to make it seem as though I am blaming my leaving on that. Growing up I always had faith in Jesus But I remember, even at an early age, stressing out about whether or not I was going to make it into heaven. I remember it being bittersweet when I turned 8. I was going to be baptized, and I knew that was good because that's what God wanted us to do, but at the same time I was so worried and aware that I was now accountable for my sin. From that second I was more worried about my soul then I had been before, if I died I would now be accountable for my sin and wasn't sure I would be able to make it into heaven. Later I was told that if I held a temple recommend I would be able to make it into heaven. From that point on I decided that I would always be able to hold a recommend so I could make it into heaven. I had my heart set on getting married in the temple to a return missionary, starting my own little Mormon family, and eventually reaching Godhood. I went to all of the girls camps and activities, I went on trek, I even graduated from seminary. I was almost more excited to graduate from seminary than I was to graduate high school. But it was there, in seminary, where I started to get lots of questions that were never really answered. I didn't understand why we had to reference the bible with the book of Mormon, or D&C or what have you. Things in the bible and book of Mormon started contradicting each other, and I again began to worry about my soul. I decided that I just had to try harder, I needed to be better, and maybe with enough faith it would all make sense one day.
Shortly before I graduated I met my husband. My husband was also born LDS but was no longer going to church when I met him. When I first met him there was an instant attraction, but I didn't want to act on it, because I knew I had to get married in the temple to get where I wanted after I died. After trying so hard to be friends for a while, and after many tear filled arguments with myself, I gave in and started to date him. He knew that I wanted to get married in the temple, and he respected that, he even started coming to church with me. A few months into our relationship I confided in him that I was questioning the Church. He told me that was ok and we had talked a lot about it. I decided to stop going to church, and that's when I will admit that the sinful really started. It was my rebelling from what I had known. We moved out together, he proposed, we became pregnant, got married, things were amazing. But the further a long I got the more I began to worry about my soul, and the soul of our child. I still believed in Jesus but I honestly felt empty. I spend many of my nights sleepless praying to God to put my family where we needed to be, at one point I even swallowed my pride and told God that I would go back to the church if that's where I needed to be. But it never really felt right to go back. I started to watch the 700 club, it was on the t.v. and I could get my nibble of what I really needed, I say nibble because it was never spiritually satisfying. One day I thought my problem was because I hadn't been saved. So I called the number they show at the bottom of the screen so I could be saved. It was odd and they ended up only asking for my money, I still felt empty and at that point I felt betrayed.
My sleepless nights in prayer continued. I don't remember how all I know is I eventually ended up going to a friend’s church. I walked through the doors and I was met with the smell of coffee, friendly people, and worship music I was not accustomed to. I sat through that meeting feeling odd, but in a good way. It was new, and certainly something I was not accustomed to, coffee and a worship band. But besides that, I felt something different. Something peaceful, and new, I had worked so hard to fight back the tears that meeting. I had prayed so long for peace, and now it was finally there. It was small, but it was peace, and hope, and it was there. We left that meeting without really talking to anyone, I regret that now, but for whatever reason we just left. The next time we went I decided to talk to someone. I had told them that I was a member of the LDS church, and I explained to him that I felt like I was climbing a latter that didn't ever end, I told him how exhausted I was. And that's when he told me the greatest news I would ever hear. He told me I didn't have to climb, he told me that no one on earth would ever reach the top. He told me that's why Jesus did it for me. Nothing anyone can do will get them into heaven, no temple marriage, no amount of tithing, no amount of good works, nothing. Jesus came and did it all because I can't. Jesus loved me so much that he died for me, because no one can do it, no one. We then prayed together, and I don't think I can describe the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. I swear I was floating.
So I'm sure you're wondering were these 20+ pages of research comes in. Honestly it was curiosity. I felt lied to, I didn't understand. So I began looking, but I treated it as though I still believed. And by that I mean I only took into consideration talks, firesides, presentations etc. that strictly used Mormon material. I'll be honest, there must have been some part of me holding on to the church when I began, there were things that I read that brought me to tears, and not in a good way. After a while I had had enough. I wrote the Church and requested that my records, and anything they had on my daughter, be removed (although I have reason to believe they did not remove my daughter’s records but that's another issue).
Well that's my story. I really want to stress to anyone reading this that Jesus is the ONLY way. No amount of works is going to warrant you getting into heaven, Isaiah 64:6 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." God see's all of your righteous works as no good. Even one bad deed earns you a ticket to hell. I'm not perfect, I'm nowhere near it. But I have Jesus. Jesus tells us that he is the way the truth and the life, and no one goes to the Father except through him (John 14:6) or John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him will have eternal life. I can't tell you enough, turn your hearts to Jesus. Believing in Jesus alone is what will save your soul. Do good works because you are saved, and you want to share the love of Jesus. Don't do works to save your soul, it won't work.
Here's what really stood out to me in all of my research
"Come on! ye prosecutors! ye false swearers! All hell, boil over! Ye burning mountains, roll down your lava! for I will come out on the top at last. I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet." - Joseph Smith History of the Church Vol.6 p. 408
Matthew 16:18 Jesus speaking to Peter " And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it."
Galatians 1:6-9 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!
John 17:3 Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.
1 Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Titus 3:5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,
Galatians 5:4 You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.
http://www.experiencetherock.com/jesus/gospel-message/
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